Funny Bunny!

[water-smurf.livejournal.com]

 I love Perceptor, but I think that, if he ever gets help, I'll be arrested for domestic abuse! :D

1. (Inspired by a game I played with some friends.) Sideswipe walks into something weird in the med bay. Ratchet and Wheeljack gives Perceptor a word or phrase and he makes it dirty in some way.

 

2. The war isn’t really between the Autobots and Decepticons. Most think that it is, but it is between shape-shifting fairies. Optimus, Megatron, Ratchet, Skywarp, Wheeljack, etc. don’t know about any of this. Perceptor, the empress of the ‘good’ fairies, is beginning to question this callous way of manipulating mortals to fight and die for them. All because of an unlikely love she is finding herself sharing with Ratchet and Wheeljack. So, for the first time since it all began, she decides that it is time that the fairies fight their own war.

?: You mean to reveal us all? Why?!
Perceptor: It is time for the mortals to stop paying for our sins.

 

3. Perceptor gets kidnapped by the Decepticons, but they want to keep him this time. To keep the Autobots from saving him, they redesign his body to look like a Decepticon femme fatale. They thought his appearance was enough to discredit anything he said. They didn’t count on the Autobots recognizing his speech patterns.

 

4. Human!Wheeljack: We’re doing our best to make sure everyone remains alive and as safe as possible.

Human!Ratchet: It gets a little hard when you’ve got suicidal giant robots, regular giant robots, unwillingly transgender giant robots, asylum doctors and patients, college professors who have no clue what’s going on, a bunch of teenagers way in over their heads, an assassin and her policewomen sisters to account for with me, Wheeljack, Percy, and a bunch of elves trying to sort them out. Dimension jumping doesn’t help either.

 

5. Art: Two Perceptors. One is an angel with a halo, wings glowing aura, etc., and the other looks normal minus blood-red optics, sharp teeth, and blood/energon practically drenching him. (The blood/energon is not his.) The angel is standing up with a sad expression on his face and is holding the other Perceptor’s hands. The blood-soaked Perceptor is snarling and crouching low on the ground. They’re chained together at their ankles and blood/energon is pooled at their feet on a stone floor.

 

6. Perceptor is captured and the Decepticons feel cruel. Starscream and Hook surgically remove the part of Perceptor’s spark that enables him to feel love. When he is released, the Autobots are horrified by what they did to him. The corrective surgery is possible but it has an extremely high mortality rate.

 

7. Ratchet: Do you enjoy brushing up with death?

Perceptor: Maybe…

(I see this being said during Cosmic Rust.)

 

8. ?: Hello gutter, meet my mind.

 

9. ?: A melon. I can’t believe that we’re going to die by getting run over by a melon.

 

10. ?: Okay, it’s one thing in the middle of the night, but you can’t have sex during a battle!

 

11. Perceptor: Will you look at all the pretty colors!

Ratchet: …Okay, that’s the last time I let you two test something on yourselves.

Wheeljack: Look, Ratchy, I see a flying purple dolphin! Now how did that get in here? *falls*

 

12. Ratchet: Percy?

Perceptor: Yes?

Ratchet: When I am performing highly invasive and possibly fatal surgery on you, it really doesn’t help if you refuse painkillers and just talk casually while I’m doing it!

 

13. Wheeljack: Do you think that we will ever be called back here?

Perceptor: Most probably. I can’t say I mind. I must admit that this place has grown on me.

Ratchet: *incredulous pause* HOW the PIT did THAT happen? HOW can SILENT HILL grow on ANYBODY?!

 

14. Perceptor can see everything, and now he has seen the Last. He has seen the last winter, the last moon, the last creatures, and the last few moments of the universe in a vision. He shall never be able to delay it, so all he does is quietly cry his sorrows out on the willing but confused shoulders of his loved ones.

 

15. Beachbomber.

 

16. Perceptor, Ratchet, and Wheeljack are captured by Decepticons. They know that Soundwave is getting ready to forcibly pull crucial information from their minds that will undoubtedly mean the Decepticon’s victory of the war. They are put together alone in a cell, and when someone comes to collect them, they are found dead while holding each other’s hands tightly, having committed suicide together.

 

17. Art: Perceptor is wearing a mask. The mask is either one of the ‘comedy and tragedy’ faces. Nothing of his face is visible.

 

18. (An image in my mind. Can be used in art or literature.) Perceptor is lying down on a snow-covered, broken down brick wall, playing a violin. Everywhere around him is a winter wonderland, and it looks like the ruins of the wall he is on which happen to be a part of an older, long-forgotten and long-gone building, are the only signs of human/Cybertronian inhabitants around. Everywhere around him, it’s rolling snow-covered hills and snowflakes falling from the sky. A silver-white femme is with him. She has jingle bells—you know, the kind that you see everywhere during Christmas? The little round bells that Santa’s reindeer wear?—on her wrists and ankles and is dancing to the time of Perceptor’s music. Somewhere out there, Perceptor’s friends are looking for him, not knowing where he is or even if he is alive. (Inspired by http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtvLKVCcwB4 )

 

19. Transformers/Hannibal Lector. Perceptor was shocked when he found out about the creature that the human authorities were asking the Autobots to help track down and apprehend…

 

20. Perceptor: Yes, I am a fairy. No need to stare. And no, Wheeljack, you may not use me in an experiment. Get your hands away from my wings, Brawn. Ratchet, don’t you dare throw anything in my general direction while I am in this form. I am smaller than one of your fingers. Something as small as a human’s foot could crush me. No, Beachcomber, don’t give me that look. I didn’t tell any of you for a reason. *huffs*

 

21. Brawn: I’m the only one allowed to insult Perceptor!

 

22. ?: Body, mind, and spirit. You’re supposed to have all three healthy and in-tune. My mind is good, my spirit is dead and my body is following suit.

 

23. (Said by a friend of mine.) ?: When you’re trying to describe something and you want people to take it seriously, don’t use the phrase ‘they armed it with super lasers.’

 

24. ?: He loves his little bits of nothing.

 

25. A nymph falls in love with Perceptor, but he’s bonded to Ratchet and Wheeljack. So the nymph resolves to kidnap him.

 

26. Perceptor is trapped in a nexus between all the TF dimensions. He comes across the files on all of his as well has his comrades’ counterparts. And he learns that the dimensions are going to collapse together.

 

27. A divine being is manipulating Decepticons to kidnap Perceptor so it can turn him into a demon.

 

28. Perceptor is sacrificed to Primus against his will.

 

29. Perceptor was kidnapped. When he refused to reveal anything, the Constructicons build him into the foundation of their next project.

 

30. Ratchet and Wheeljack discover that Perceptor suffers from disturbingly frequent catatonic episodes.

 

31. Perceptor is trapped by a Nereid for a whole year, but undersea it was several million years. Perceptor comes back changed and, in between episodes of unresponsiveness, he refuses to say what happened.

 

32. Perceptor’s real name isn’t Perceptor. It is his faerie name, and only one other person knows it. That person, because he knows and can use Perceptor’s name, can make Perceptor do absolutely anything at all. And that person ordered him to assassinate Ratchet and Wheeljack. Despite himself, though, he fell in love with his targets. The only solution he can see that will not end with him forced to kill them is to trick someone, anyone, into using his faerie name when ordering him to kill himself.

 

33. Perceptor was damaged heavily in battle and is now completely blind. He is resigned to his fate now. Ratchet and Wheeljack know how to fix him, but it would require medical technology that had become very, very scarce and expensive during the war. The officials at Cybertron judge it to be too many resources to ‘waste’ on one person to try to get the technology, so they said to send Perceptor to another planet far away from the war. “War is no place for the handicapped.” Ratchet and Wheeljack insist that they’ll go with him to help and live with him if he were forced to go. They’re not giving up on his sight that easily.